A Not-To-Do List
Today is the day you start your project.
Wake up. Make your coffee. Sit down. Get to work.
Now, it should be that simple. Wake up and get to work.
But there are many distractions. Mental and otherwise.
So this is NOT a to-do list. This is a not-to-do list. You don't need to check anything off, because these are things YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO.
Do not check your email.
Do not go to nytimes.com.
Do not decide to organize your cd rack.
Do not turn on the television.
Do not clip your nails.
Do not stare at your bald spot in the mirror and begin to calculate how much time your hair has left.
Do not start catching up on the DVDs that have arrived from Netflix.
Do not update your Netflix queue.
Do not Google all your Exes.
Do not Google yourself.
Do not dust the house.
Do not sweep the floors.
Do not take out the trash.
Do not get sucked into the argument when your significant other starts screaming about the fact that you drank the last of the milk and even though you said you would get more you didn't. Just apologize, apologize, and then apologize again. (But don't be tempted to apologize "for being such a horrible person" – that is a sign that you are getting drawn into a bigger dust-up. Stay on target with your apology, explain that you have serious work to do, and get back to your project.)
Do not decide to make yourself an elaborate lunch.
Do not take a nap.
Do not change the cat litter.
Do not decide to figure out the calorie count of your recent meals.
Do not pay your bills.
Do not balance your checkbook.
Do not freak out that you have no money.
Do not go into the bathroom and give your Academy Award acceptance speech.
Do not put on Prince and party like it's 1999. (Well, okay, maybe ONCE, just to get you fired up about your project.)
Do not start going through your closet.
Do not decide to floss.
Do not organize your spice rack.
Do not update your address book.
Do not make a list of things to do.
Do not watch Oprah.
Do not listen to NPR.
Do not start to think you don't have what it takes to actually do your project.
Do not read any further on this post – caught you! Stop reading now and get to work on your project.
Do not check what time the movie is playing later.
Do not decide to send an angry email to that annoying friend who recently pissed you off.
Do not play with the cats.
Do not clip your nose hairs.
Do not start trying to organize a dinner party.
Do not start wondering if that mole that seems a little bigger than the last time you checked it might be skin cancer.
Do not start going through all the papers on your desk.
Do not make a list of all the things you have to get done at work.
Do not start thinking you are never going to finish.
Do not make a quick run to the grocery store.
Do not search for gray hairs.
Do not start fantasizing about sex.
Do not decide to make a call to your significant other to tell him or her that you don't think you've been getting any, and that you better damn well get some tonight (you know, because that one works every time).
Do not go to IMDB to see who that actor was in that movie you saw the other night. Or what that girl from that show from way back when is doing now.
Do not start perusing your own bookshelves.
Do not organize your computer files.
Do not clean out your inbox.
Do not click into the online gossip sites.
Do not pick your nose.
Do not start reading old letters from old flames.
Do not crack open a beer.
Do not pluck your eyebrows.
Do not to give yourself a facial.
Do not start going through your photos.
Do not return your phone calls.
Do not start reading your old journal entries.
Do not start thinking about how your project is lame.
Do not scrub the tub.
Do not clean the toilet.
Do not open a bottle of wine.
Do not start wading through all the magazines you subscribe to but never read.
Do not decide to start a screenplay (unless, of course, that is your project).
Do not post to your blog.
Do not pull the ATM receipts out of your wallet and start entering withdrawals into your checkbook.
Do not get up and keep getting yourself a glass of water.
Do not refill the ice trays.
Do not do the dishes.
Do not start picking off the wax on your candle holders.
Do not start worrying about all the time you've already wasted.
There are a million more things that could be on this list, but remember, it's not a to-do list, so it doesn't matter if something is missing -- you are NOT supposed to be doing these things. Just get to work on your project.
--Jeffrey Yamaguchi
Be sure to check out the Working For the Man Book:
Order now: Amazon
More details at workingfortheman.com.
That's brilliant. I think I've already been through about five things on that list this morning. I'll have to keep it next to my desk to remind me NOT to do any of these things when I'm trying to work!
Posted by: Laural | September 19, 2005 at 10:47 AM
Please stop spying on me!
Posted by: llh | September 19, 2005 at 02:34 PM
guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty
Posted by: Don | September 19, 2005 at 02:40 PM
well, I'm already guilty for being here... :/
Posted by: | September 19, 2005 at 03:10 PM
Brilliant and accurate !
Posted by: Ylej | September 19, 2005 at 03:37 PM
Unfortunately accurate for me today too. That was a good laugh. Oh, ummm... I'd better get back to my project!
Posted by: jg | September 19, 2005 at 03:44 PM
Why are you all commenting? Get back to your projects!
Posted by: jw | September 19, 2005 at 05:24 PM
Priceless!! I printed it hanged it on the wall! Thank you so much
Posted by: Danny | September 19, 2005 at 08:42 PM
Do not click on the live bookmark for del.icio.us/popular on your Firefox "Bookmarks Toolbar Folder".
Posted by: Mark | September 19, 2005 at 09:05 PM
Do not masturbate (again).
Posted by: Anonymous | September 19, 2005 at 09:07 PM
Someone should turn this into a survey a la the old "Purity Quiz."
Someone who, um, doesn't have as many overdue projects as I do...
Posted by: Billy | September 19, 2005 at 10:14 PM
"Do not click on the live bookmark for del.icio.us/popular on your Firefox "Bookmarks Toolbar Folder".
Already feeling guilty for how I got here. Nice. :-|
Great post!
Posted by: Tony | September 20, 2005 at 02:09 AM
Do not add comments...
Posted by: Pete | September 20, 2005 at 02:44 AM
Do not click freshnews most clicked headlines.
Do not check for update now.
Posted by: Tom | September 20, 2005 at 04:40 AM
All excellent additions to the list! I was going to add "Do not post comments" but I see that one was already posted... So I will add "Do not reply to posted comments" and "Do not keep checking the comments on the weblog posts you weren't supposed to be posting in the first place."
Posted by: Jeffrey Yamaguchi | September 20, 2005 at 09:51 AM
Thank you so much Jeffrey!
Posted by: jack black | September 20, 2005 at 10:09 AM
Do not debate with yourself whether or not it is worth the time to comment.
Posted by: Peter | September 20, 2005 at 12:27 PM
do not read next post...
Posted by: Juan P | September 20, 2005 at 01:00 PM
Do not post the next post!
Posted by: Roy | September 20, 2005 at 03:36 PM
DO pull out your wireless card.
It's one of the only things that works for me.
bye!
Posted by: Roper | September 20, 2005 at 07:39 PM
do not try to come up with a list of three dozen things not to do? :)
seriously though - good list.
Posted by: mews | September 20, 2005 at 11:20 PM
how dare you stalk me and document everything I do!!!!
Posted by: amy | September 21, 2005 at 12:23 AM
Was anyone else caught red-handed at "Do not pick your nose"?
Posted by: cory | September 21, 2005 at 01:13 AM
If you're red-handed when you're picking your nose then its definitely time to stop - and possibly seek medical help
Posted by: fefe | September 21, 2005 at 07:54 AM
I chuckled to myself as I read "Do not Google yourself" and "Do not take a nap" - I'm so guilty of those! hahahaa! List is good to print :)
Posted by: hartini | September 21, 2005 at 09:59 AM